Reflection

/riˈflekSHən/ Noun: A calm, lengthy, intent consideration


2320 hrs

As I go to bed tonight, for some reason I feel pretty good. Good enough to reproduce from my 1998 diary something I penned down in Hindi as an 18-year old.

21 May 1998

10.25 PM 

शाम ढलती है सुबह होने के लिये
दिये जलते हैं रोशनी देने के लिये
साँसे चलती हैं ज़िन्दगी के लिये,
पर क्या दोस्त
बिछड़ते हैं फिर मिलने के लिये?

उस दिन मेरे मन में ख्याल आया,

इतने दिन तड़पकर मैंने क्या पाया?

ढका है मुझपर उम्मीद का साया

कृत्रिम-सी लगती है अब मेरी काया...

तभी चीखकर मेरे हृदय ने गाया,
नहीं चाहिए मुझे यह मोह-माया
मुझको मन की शांति दो
हृदय की एक क्रांति दो
रुह को मेरे सुकून मिले
कुछ कर सकूँ, वो जूनून दो

अन्यथा जीवन निरर्थक है, जीव का अपमान है

जिसमे हो क्षमता मरने की

कुछ करने की, ना डरने की

सिर्फ वही महान है

बाकी सब अज्ञान हैं,

बाकी सब नादान हैं।

~ ©abhi413 / bigbabuleski.blogspot.com

Conviction

\kən-ˈvik-shən\ Noun: A strong persuasion or belief; The state of being convinced

Allow me to recite a small incident from the days of yore. This one is straight out of my 1998 Diary:

x - o - x - o

It happened during our Std 8^th half yearly exams. It was the Mathematics paper. I and my best girl (I'll just call her J), had been allotted the same room and J was sitting diagonally across me in the adjacent column.

Now as you can see we were sitting quite close. I finished my paper (comparatively) pretty early. I was revising the sheets when J signalled she needs some help. I never cheated in exams... and now I was in a dilemma... because if I liked someone it was her. But I wanted her to do it all by herself.
I didn't help her! 

Ultimately, she went and submitted the paper before time, even before me. I'll remember her dejected, sad expression for ever. But my act made me realize one thing: I cared for J in 1992. I might've hurt her, and I didn't feel too great on my act, but now I realize how much it means... I'm glad I cared for her. That's why I didn't help her. But that helped both of us become better persons!

x - o - x - o

Postscript: 

1. J & I remain best of friends today. She has gone on to become a Post Graduate Doctor in Radiology and also an absolute gem of a person.
2. After the Std 8^th results were declared, she thanked me for not helping her. She bagged the second rank in class. The topper of that exam just wrote this blog.